


I Will Never Forget You (But What If I Have To?)

by BlueEyesBlueHeart



Series: Never Forget Us. [2]
Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, I can’t write porn, M/M, There was a fight, but happy ending, dont worry, implied sex, so I didn’t try
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 22:14:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13257699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueEyesBlueHeart/pseuds/BlueEyesBlueHeart
Summary: Continued from ‘We’re so sorry we could have saved you.’In the next five years, guilt became a prominent feature in Luke’s life. It overtook him in moments of great joy, dissolving him into a hollow shell, only capable of one expression; blankness.Has he found the person to make his life a hell of a lot better? (Yes.)





	I Will Never Forget You (But What If I Have To?)

In the next five years, guilt became a prominent feature in Luke’s life. It overtook him in moments of great joy, dissolving him into a hollow shell, only capable of one expression; blankness. He couldn’t do anything, just sit or lie down, overcome with mind-numbing guilt. In the beginning he would whimper and repeat, “I could have saved him.”

He would relive every memory, trying to find where he went wrong, and seeing multiple. He would listen to House of Memories on repeat, staring blankly at the wall full of pictures. He would throw himself into his work as a nurse, making sure everyone got their treatment. It got to a point where he became so overbearing that they decided to relieve him of his duty of giving patients their medication.

That is, until Ryan came along.

Luke wasn’t delusional, he knew he’d never get rid of the gut-wrenching guilt that was induced at seemingly random points. He could never get Jonathan back, but he could sure as hell make this relationship work. Not just for him, but for Ryan as well, mostly for Ryan.

After two years of being an emotional and easily triggered mess, he met Ryan. It wasn’t all sunshine and daisies at first. Though that’s an understatement, in fact, the first time they met it was when they had both gotten too drunk in a bar and were both arrested after a particularly vicious fight.

Fortunately, after a disastrous start, it was all uphill from there. They both apologised for their inappropriate actions and reactions after becoming a bit more sober in the police station. Though they were still slightly salty (understatement) toward one another.

Luke remembers vividly the ride home afterwards. Jonathan’s friend - and by extension his friend - Evan came to pick him up.

_As Luke climbed into the car Evan remarked, “First offence, sir?” And smiled mischievously._

_“Yes, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t your first time here.”_

_Evan mocked looking hurt, placing a hand on his heart, “I’m a law-abiding citizen. How dare you.” Luke smiled for the first time that day. “Anyway, we need to wait, I’m picking up Ohm as well.”_

_“Ohm?” Luke asked, confused. He looked out the window, toward the entrance where Ryan was standing (he knew his name at this point because the police had said it multiple times). He was on his phone and looked in the direction of the car and Evan honked the horn._

_Ryan took the hint and jogged over, seeing Luke in the passenger seat and narrowing his eyes. He stood still for a split second and then walked around to the back, climbing in behind Luke._

_Evan, like the perceptive little shit he is, suddenly commented, “Wow, the atmosphere in this car dropped, like, thirty degrees. Some tension going on here?”_

_Luke, being intolerant to anyone’s bullshit at this point, replied, “Evan, do us all a favour, and don’t. Just don’t.”_

_Ryan seemed to agree._

_Evan went quiet for a bit, and started the car. As they were leaving the parking lot he decided to speak again, “Ok, do you guys want to introduce yourselves to each other, or have you already?”_

_Luke thought they already had, however unsavoury. Ryan didn’t seem to think the same. He spoke hesitantly, “Uh, ok. Hey, my name is Ryan Omega and I am a psychiatrist.”_

_This surprised Luke; the fact that he actually wanted to introduce himself again, not that he was a psychiatrist. Well, that did surprise him a little bit. Shouldn’t he have known better than to say those things? Whatever, they were both drunk out of their minds._

_He waited a moment before saying, “Hey, my name’s Luke Patterson and I’m a nurse.”_

_He turned back to Ryan and saw him nod. “How do you know Evan anyway?” Luke realised he was just trying to make small talk._

_“My- my best friend Jonathan was friends with him, so I became his friend by extension.” He tried not to let it show how much it pained him to say Jonathan’s name._

_It must’ve worked because Ryan asked, “Was?”_

_Luke could see Evan in his peripheral vision, he was grimacing, he knew Evan missed Jonathan a lot too. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t want to leave Ryan hanging, “Jonathan died two years ago in a hospital bed.” His voice was monotonous, he didn’t want to betray any of his emotions._

_“Oh,” He could tell Ryan had no idea what to say. “I’m sorry.”_

_“Don’t worry about it.” He sank back into himself. Evan wasn’t looking too good either. His eyes were watering and he went quieter than usual. He would normally be humming a tune or something. His silence just drew them all to an eerie quiet._

_Evan noticed this and wiped his eyes with one hand. He let out a small smile and spoke quickly, “Hey, Ohm, uh, you can tell Luke how we met, you know... um, exchanging stories and stuff?”_

_It felt like Evan was pushing them together, but they both took it as him trying to get the focus off of himself. Ryan jumped on the opportunity, it seemed to Luke that he was either eager to speak to him, or feeling compassionate towards Evan and doing what he seemingly wants. It was most likely the latter. “Oh yeah, um, we met online first and played some GTAV and stuff like that. We met through other people, so we knew who the other was. I met Vano- sorry, Evan, when he was with his friend group, so it was more of a group meeting.”_

_“How long ago?”_

_“Um, three years?”_

_“Oh, I thought you might have known Jonathan then, you may have met him in passing, but at that time he was in and out of hospital almost every week.”_

_“What was his gamer tag?”_

_“If I’d have gotten to know him better we would’ve gotten along then, sometimes when I say I’m going to kill someone, and I don’t know whether I’m joking or not.” He leaned back and let out a manic giggle, not like Delirious’, which was loud and practically insane, but quieter and definitely insane_.

_When they dropped off Ryan that night, Luke remembers them exchanging numbers and goodbyes, but mostly, he remembered Ryan walking away. He’s not saying his eyes lingered, but they might’ve done._

Three years of repressed sexual tension, dating and arguments have lead up to now: the proposal. Not for marriage (yet), but for living together. He wants Ryan to live in his apartment with him.

He’s giddy when he gets off work. After the last three years of putting himself back together, he left the hospice he worked at while Jonathan was there and moved to a better location, the hospital where Ryan worked as a psychiatrist. It was no secret to their coworkers, nor their patients, that they had a thing going on, but it never bothered anyone so they were happy to work alongside each other.

This also meant that on the odd occasion they would carpool. This was Luke’s chance. Today it was him driving, so he waited patiently for Ryan to arrive. While Luke was checking his phone for Emails and stuff, Ryan snuck up to the driver’s door and knocked before pulling a face. Luke screamed and opened the window, he drew his arm back as if to punch Ryan, but he had fled around to the passengers side.

Luke punched his arm light-heartedly as Ryan clambered in. “You asshole, you actually fuckin’ scared me.”

Ryan grinned and leaned forward to peck him on the lips, “All in a day’s work my friend.”

For some reason, Luke felt nervous, not just because of the big step they were about to take, but the possibility that he would decline. He knew Ryan wouldn’t do it to intentionally hurt him, but what if...

He was brought out of his thoughts by Ryan calmly asking, “So, are we gonna go, or?”

Quickly, he replied, “Oh! Yeah, of course.” And he started the engine. As they were pulling out of the parking lot, Luke screwed up his courage and just came out with it, “Ohm, I want to live with you. Well, I want you to live with me, if that’s ok, I... uh, I think would be pretty fuckin’ awesome and uh...” he trailed off as he realised he was rambling.

He then peered at Ryan, hoping for a good reaction, he’s played this over a million times in his head, wondering what his actual reaction would be. He hadn’t imagined an entirely expressionless and unresponsive Ohm. He grew worried and opened his mouth to withdraw his statement when Ryan quietly said, “Yes.”

Luke became so confused that Ryan had to tell him to keep his eyes on the road. “Be real with me, why did you not say anything straight away?” Luke, realising his mistake, added quickly, ”Not that I’m pressuring you to-“

Ryan cut him off with his own sentence, “Ok. To be perfectly and brutally honest with you? I want to live with you. But not- I mean, I wouldn’t mind living in that apartment, but...” he stops, trying to find the right words, “I feel like you’re still hung up on Delirious.” He starts babbling after he sees Luke tense up at Jonathan’s name. “I mean, you’re allowed to! I’m not stopping that, but, but I always feel like your second choice when I see his pictures. Maybe I’m being too critical of myself but-“

Luke interrupts him, “No! You’re right. I’m not going to take down those pictures,” his hands grip the steering wheel even tighter at the thought of it, “But I promise you, now and forever, that you are not my second choice. If I’m perfectly and brutally honest with you and myself; me and Jonathan would’ve never worked.” He went silent. That’s what he’s been trying to tell himself for five years, however, it still won’t change the fact of what could have been, he could still be alive and make that discovery with him, instead of on his own.

They were both silent all the way back to Luke’s apartment. Once inside, Ryan decided to ease the heavy atmosphere and playfully requested, “How about we consummate this agreement?”

After his little sulk, Luke grinned and ran forward to kiss Ryan. They both led themselves to the bedroom, neither of them paying attention to the wall in the corridor covered with pictures, they were enveloped in each other.

After all the clothes were off and the fun was had, Luke asked, “So, how much of your shit are you going to bring?”

Ryan smiled, “A lot.” Then he sat up and kissed him again. “Don’t get excited, I’m too tired for second wind.”

“Who said I’m not either? We’re both getting old Ohmie.” Ryan rolled his eyes at the nickname and laid back down.

He tapped Luke’s shoulder, “Hey, turn around, I wanna be the big spoon for once.”

Luke laughed slightly, “For once? Hell, you’re the big spoon most of the goddamn time!”

“I am not! Which is why I deserve this!” Ryan countered, in a voice which Luke found adorable.

“Fine! Ya, demanding son of a bitch.” And complied to his boyfriend’s demands.

In the end, he will never ever forget Jonathan. But now he might just have to share some space with another, and both are fine with that. At least he thinks so.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You have no idea how many times I scrapped this idea until I was bored on an hour drive and wrote most of it. 
> 
> I’m actually really proud of this version so I hope you like it too. Because trust me, the other versions were shit. 
> 
> It seems that I can neither write porn nor fight scenes. Fantastic. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading.


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